w.e.a.k.

drawbacks:

I can't write if nothing happened abruptly that it touches my heart, forcing me to write. 
I can't express what I think if I have no trigger. 
I don't simply write what I think I should because it shouldn't be written without any good intention. 

I write to make others know what I've been thinking about something. 
I write to express the burden of keeping heavy thoughts and I just want to let it go. 

I'm an observant. I look at things differently and try not to judge like how the others are judging. 
I try to put myself into it and judge how I would react without thinking the others' opinion because what's happening is only felt by the individual, not as collective. 

I can't think, I can't write. I can't simply write. 
Sometimes it is impossible. 

But to give, I need to gain. I need to earn in order to provide. 
In that case, I need to ponder harder, I need to at least tadabbur a single, simple thing happen in the universe.

Pray. For. Me.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Post Graduation

Image
I didn't expect any but a more relaxed life after BPharm. It turns out to be a bored, waiting for something unconfirmed and life with a repeated routine. You're unemployed (mostly), broke, atrophic brain (unless you've started studying and playing memory games) and contemplating the slow-moving pace. Well, apparently, the life shouldn't be like that if you know what to do with your life. I didn't say that stay-at-home as an unemployed young adult is useless but the term of "berguna" applies only if they know how to make the time valuable and productive. It's your life and the choices are yours to make. Whether to lead boredom conquers life doing nothing, or to make life interesting and productive even if you're jobless. Here's something to think. The hikmah for those who still at home with endless chores and same routine every day until SPA interview are 1. You can always spend most of your time with family. Cook for them, make the pa...
Read more

The Lies I Tell Myself

Image
You can still be pretty without those new clothes.  You can mix and match your dress with all the scarfs you currently have, they're overloading the "shawl box".  You can always smile bright even if you forgot to put on your balm or lipstick.  You can see his moves eventho you misplaced your spectacles.  You can always be better even if you fail the quiz.  You don't need those new colour blouse.  You are beautiful outside and inside.  You are going to be fine. I mean what can go wrong when you have you yourself as lover? As a hugger? As a masseur? As everything you want la.  Those lies I tell when I needed to console myself. To remind me that I'm broke and needless to say that my crave for retail therapy and fancy food is beyond my stomach size.  Save money la baby. Don't buy new dress. Don't look at new shades of shawl like you need it. Drink more plain water you don't need the cornetto. Eat rice till finish, no maggi-maggi anymore for your ...
Read more

First Tri

You couldn’t tell yourself whether you’re happy or scared. Probably both at the same time. The only strength to hold on is prayers to Allah to make this journey at ease and bearable.  With husband not around, it is hard to adapt with the new body as you don’t have anybody to talk to about the queasiness, nausea and ache. But he is always there to support whenever you’re in need although virtually. ❤️  It feels better to voice out the feelings/sickness as if it let the burdens off at the moment tho the only relief is the passing time.  But this is our prayers and hopes that comes in reality to which we should never complain of.  At the moment it is figured out, I am completely speechless. This is the first time I dont have any idea about it. It crosses my mind but I can’t figure it out. This is the miracle Allah wants me to feel inside me. In order to thank him, to be grateful of mothers and to be humble with His gift.  Ya Allah.  L...
Read more