Confession - Resolution - Reflection ☕


Salam 'Alayk and hi.

Well. How's life? :)

I'm home since 3 days ago and I am currently sipping the fresh and hot caffeine-contained drink and trying to write about something.

 -start-

 I used to think before I sleep. I have some thoughts about what I should do instead of what I've done during the day especially when I realized that I've done sth wrongly. Err I might say No it's not wrong but maybe it's a bit not-at-the-right-time for that. Oops, wrong timing. 
-yeah, that is an ego in me speaking-

 Who the hell out there has no ego? 
MasyaAllah I would answer my beloved Rasulullah didn't have any of that vices. 
Now we, human would always be overwhelmed by our own self-destructible characteristic. The meaning of self-destructible or apoptotic (technically biologically termed word) is for the soul. You destruct your own soul, by your everyday activities unknowingly that some of that could make your heart dirtier and dirtier day by day. 

How? 
1. Buat apa-apa tak berniat ikhlas. hasil? Penat semata.
2. Menyumpah, complains. Sungguh la,lidah tak bertulang. Orang saja yang salah? 
3. Harapan palsu. Kerjanya culas, harapannya tinggi. Tak guna betul. Amalnya mana? 

If and only if we can see our soul thru any means, perghh surely we all gonna behave like the best human race ever. 
Imagine if we can see it, and the soul reflect our own true value (based on what we feed the soul- good or bad) then the bad, destructed soul would be so ugly, stinks and blackish. 
What if we feed our soul with good virtues?
It can be pure, noble and somewhat beautiful. It can be. It can be. 

 -stop-

 one thing I am very sure about myself lately is that "I have hasad to many people I encountered. Ini tak kena itu tak kena. What's good happen to them is so wrong to me. Seriously I was like ''woi kau dah kenapa dib nak dengki dengan orang je kerja?". I know shytonns are laughing seeing me like that, feeling that they're winning. 
I felt bad since weeks ago and I tried to not to have even a single dot of hasad by trying to imagine my soul just like what I've been nagging in previous paragraph. I don't wanna have an ugly soul. Nauzubillah :( ." I try, we try. Okay? Okayy ;)

Secondly, I complain so fast. It was like one thing gone wrong somewhere and ppffttt pffttt it goes, my bad, bad words coming out thru my mouth. This little tongue must be trained so hard since then. But I've been through a lot. This is only the residues from the past which means I'm a lot more nastier long before you know me now. I bet you wouldn't want to be with me if I didn't take the chance to change. Hmm hmm.. 

And what separates us from success is the feeling to quit. 
I don't quit though I have many reasons to. I chose not to quit. I'm staying strong, I walk with my head up leaving all those past and let bygone be bygone. I went to seek for my new self. My new personality, my beautiful, pure and sacred soul that I neglected at the very early moment. 

Okay last-last, have you ever heard about the story of the battle between two wolves? If you haven't then you can search for it in any search engine. I can only provide you the moral value, haha sorry. ;)
"one wolf is fed with anger, hatred, injustice, and violence"
"the other one is fed with kindness, love, care and hope"
*battle starts*
"which wolf is winning?"
"the wolf you feed." 

 p/s: we are not a werewolf like Jacob Black so you can relate the wolf with our soul. heheh. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Post Graduation

Image
I didn't expect any but a more relaxed life after BPharm. It turns out to be a bored, waiting for something unconfirmed and life with a repeated routine. You're unemployed (mostly), broke, atrophic brain (unless you've started studying and playing memory games) and contemplating the slow-moving pace. Well, apparently, the life shouldn't be like that if you know what to do with your life. I didn't say that stay-at-home as an unemployed young adult is useless but the term of "berguna" applies only if they know how to make the time valuable and productive. It's your life and the choices are yours to make. Whether to lead boredom conquers life doing nothing, or to make life interesting and productive even if you're jobless. Here's something to think. The hikmah for those who still at home with endless chores and same routine every day until SPA interview are 1. You can always spend most of your time with family. Cook for them, make the pa...
Read more

The Lies I Tell Myself

Image
You can still be pretty without those new clothes.  You can mix and match your dress with all the scarfs you currently have, they're overloading the "shawl box".  You can always smile bright even if you forgot to put on your balm or lipstick.  You can see his moves eventho you misplaced your spectacles.  You can always be better even if you fail the quiz.  You don't need those new colour blouse.  You are beautiful outside and inside.  You are going to be fine. I mean what can go wrong when you have you yourself as lover? As a hugger? As a masseur? As everything you want la.  Those lies I tell when I needed to console myself. To remind me that I'm broke and needless to say that my crave for retail therapy and fancy food is beyond my stomach size.  Save money la baby. Don't buy new dress. Don't look at new shades of shawl like you need it. Drink more plain water you don't need the cornetto. Eat rice till finish, no maggi-maggi anymore for your ...
Read more

First Tri

You couldn’t tell yourself whether you’re happy or scared. Probably both at the same time. The only strength to hold on is prayers to Allah to make this journey at ease and bearable.  With husband not around, it is hard to adapt with the new body as you don’t have anybody to talk to about the queasiness, nausea and ache. But he is always there to support whenever you’re in need although virtually. ❤️  It feels better to voice out the feelings/sickness as if it let the burdens off at the moment tho the only relief is the passing time.  But this is our prayers and hopes that comes in reality to which we should never complain of.  At the moment it is figured out, I am completely speechless. This is the first time I dont have any idea about it. It crosses my mind but I can’t figure it out. This is the miracle Allah wants me to feel inside me. In order to thank him, to be grateful of mothers and to be humble with His gift.  Ya Allah.  L...
Read more