Love Letters

When I stress I eat and I sleep.
I cried in my sleep and wake up with a bloated face. 
I spend more time singing sad love songs and long pray.
I keep myself a distance from other people. 
I talk to myself as if I need an expert advice. But the only remedy I got is from an instant reflection of what I've done wrong. 

I talk to my mum as if I do not have any other problems. But beyond that, I don't wanna make her overthink of me. I know how overthinking can push away happiness. 
I fake a smile to almost every person i encounter. But when the stress struck me hard, I couldn't even make an effort of straining any facial muscle to create a smile. 

and I got headache. the extreme one. I couldn't stand well, it hurts or in other words, it kills me.
Some people might think that is normal, but you can never expect they're fighting the same battle as you are. 
Their battle may be tougher. 

I could've been imagine how I may behave if I let the old me get inside. You may hate me even more. 
Time passes, people changes. So do I. I'm a human. I made mistakes and I learn. If I'm too arrogant to learn from a mistake, I'll rather be a fool. I don't wanna be an idiot. 

I often receive bad and worse first impression. 
There was one time during my first year, my batch organized a program among sisters. We called it as "Love Letters".
We wrote short notes, describing people how they are; honestly judging and secretly hating or admiring.  
Frankly, we weren't so together like together-together back then. I got nearly half of 88 letters saying that I'm snobbish, I'm not friendly, I keep staring and most of it is I am so much the type that is so difficult-to-smile person. 
Reading those letters made me so outrage so I posted a status on FB. I am a mad girl, indeed.
After all, I did reflect myself. I shouldn't be mad, I am the one who should change. I am the one who should make a step to improve. I should try to make people like me. 

Then now we're in 3rd year. I talk to everybody in the class (sisters only). I crack jokes with every classmate I'm comfortable with. I eat with different different people. I change positions in class everyday. I meet and greet anyone I know just to make them feel that I am an easy going and approachable person. I smile to them and describe me as honest as I can so that they can handle me when I am not me in certain phase once in a month. 
[if you can't figure that out - its during my progesterone phase; when I eat like a bear and I can bite people when they push the wrong button on me]

jokes, :)

but yeah its damn true. They can figure that out and handle me nicely. Because sisters understand sisters very well. We have the same imbalance in hormone phase, remember? 

So yeah, it takes time to really really know people. 
I won't take any advantages to whom I know. I am just being the incredible me.

You can find a cooler type of person, but you can never replace the warmth I gave you. 
So chill, hehe
dibsy Tralala.